I cockslap morals
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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