and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Found your dick twin last night
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
