I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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