There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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