how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
