I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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