i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
