Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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