It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
