Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she told me i tasted like america
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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