smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
