Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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