Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
