I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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