My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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