So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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