It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
