there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
