I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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