put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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