My nipple is on Facebook.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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