hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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