What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He literally asked permission to hit on me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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