You just made me feel so damn special
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
