therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
