1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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