there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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