Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
