hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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