just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
