I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
