I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
