Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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