can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
