I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
