Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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