i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize