bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
