I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
