I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize