I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
