Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
