Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
