Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
