I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
