can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize