last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm at about main and main street
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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