what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
you never un-have a 4some
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
