dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
