every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
