I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I fill condoms, not promises.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
