I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
