I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
