Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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