I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize