it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize