Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
