shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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