we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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