Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
high people should be assigned attendants
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
