I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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