Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
