Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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