He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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