break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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