No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
