someone owes me an orgasm
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
