Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize