My friends, they love my intelligence
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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