it was like eating out sand paper
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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