Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
