what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
