So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
