my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
