Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize