Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
