I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
