This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize