omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
