I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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