Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize