coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
