A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
