I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
