Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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