Did you just see the Batmobile???
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
