I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
