I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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