somebody snuck up and got me drunk
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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