I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
