Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We need a shit load of segways right now
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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