hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
