ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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