dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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