I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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