Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize