I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
